Oh f*cking great ep 1

So today I woke up with a heavy heart.
This post is going to be filled with a lot of angst so if you don't want your day ruined, I suggest you close your browser.

There are things about people that I don't get at all. Yeah sure I get that people may count many things different important to them but in exchange of comprehending theirs, aren't they supposedly asked to do the same? Its stupid how one person can ruin everything. How weak people can truly be when it comes right down to them to shine. But somehow when it comes down to me, I may falter a little here and there but at least I get my fucking feet back on the shitty ground. Its like, my feelings don't count but everyone else's does? I'm starting to think that people are generally the same. How honesty doesn't seem to burn anymore in everyone I see. How trust is just a word people decide to recide in just because its always been an important element in a relationship. Come on, don't just fucking say it if you don't mean it. Trust IS an important element to me. I do give two friggin' shits about honesty, I do know what i'm looking for.

Being pre percieved just pisses me off even more. For the past few months I've dealt with this with what feels like a million times. Everywhere I go, I feel prying eyes trying to get to me. Maybe my paranoia does get the better of me sometimes but there is no doubt that how I feel never is taken to account. Again, I stress that. How people percieve me affects the way you look at me cause from what I've seen so far, you falter so much easier than I do. And just because I don't turn up one day when you're feeling so down, I get crucified for it. Oh right, nice. How about the times you let me down? Have you ever spared a thought to how I felt? I sincerely doubt so. You give me a reason saying you're a private person. I felt that wasn't enough to cover the damage but I still accepted it. Now I tell you I was frustrated and I needed a friend to confide in and to figure out why I was down and you tell me thats not good enough.


I told you I did want to look for you. I even planned on bringing over comfort food and suggested we head out for a walk and talk so you'd feel better. Rather than being imprisoned at home and feeling mellow. Then, I realised that I forgot you had a test. You tell me you trust me but not him but it seems like you've placed us both under the same category and I will not stand by that. If thats how you choose to percieve me, I really can not be bothered less. I won't push for approval. I'm fucking tired of trying to please people, to take their problems in to consideration and leave mine at the door mat right before I enter their homes.

This is just stupid. I feel like I'm fighting for all the wrong people and reasons. You know when you wish there was someone different and he just seemed to come along, well I've got awesome news for you. HE does not exist. Well at least for me or maybe i'm just bitter and pissed currently.

I think I am going to die with a million cats by myself in an old shabby apartment on lonliness avenue.
Haha.

And that concludes my first episode on oh f*cking great.
D.